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Wednesday , 21 February 2024

Why Men Don’t Always Want The “Cool Girl”

I’m married now, but when I was dating, I never made the first move with anyone. Ever. I’d been taught that the guy is supposed to approach the girl, but I wish I had challenged that stereotype more and gone out on a limb for guys I was interested in. Here’s why.

1. Let’s be real: guys can be dense. We think that we as women have a hard time knowing when a guy likes us, but the opposite is true as well. Guys can be pretty oblivious and may need us to spell it out for them sometimes because no matter how hard they try, they can’t recognize our hints. They may also just be shy, and even if they want to ask us out, they might have a hard time doing so. I wish I had taken the initiative more.

2. I should’ve let go of old-fashioned dating rules. I realize now that it’s ridiculous to expect the guy to ask the woman out every time because the sexes should be equal, so there’s nothing wrong with the woman making the first move. I’ve even been told by some of my guy friends that they love when a girl takes the initiative and they think it’s hot. Plus, lesbians ask out other girls all the time because how else would they get it done? I don’t know why I didn’t think about this sooner.

3. It would’ve felt empowering. Instead of waiting around for the guy to decide what’s going to happen or not, we women should be able to take control too. It shouldn’t be all up to the guy. We can totally make decisions for ourselves, and I wish I had done that more often. It would’ve made me feel like I could actually control my own destiny.

4. It would’ve made me more self-confident. Taking control would’ve made me feel more self-assured, especially if I got the outcome I desired. And even if I got rejected sometimes, I still would’ve felt like a badass for going after what I wanted. It definitely would’ve improved my self-esteem immensely, which would’ve served me well in life in general.

5. I could’ve spent more time on other things. I shouldn’t have been so focused on whether guys were interested me or not. If I had simply told guys when I was crushing on them, I could’ve found out a lot sooner if they were worth my time or not. And I could’ve spent my energy on other things that mattered way more. I probably could’ve written a few novels with all the time I wasted pining.

6. My life would’ve been more interesting. I always felt like I was waiting around for something to happen when it came to my love life. If I had gone after guys the way I went after my career, I probably would’ve had a lot more fun because I would’ve had a lot more dating experiences.

7. I would’ve learned a lot more about dating. Since I would’ve had more experiences, I’d be more experienced in love, that’s for sure. I wish I had taken more risks so that I could’ve lived my dating life to the fullest before settling down. Not that I regret where I am now, but I wish I had been more outgoing with guys and enjoyed the dating life more in the past.

8. I wouldn’t ever have to wonder “what if.” The biggest reason I have regrets about not making moves is that I wonder if my life would be different in any way. I’m happy where I ended up, but I still think about what my love life would’ve looked like had I been a little more forward. There were countless times that I missed out on dating a guy I liked because I couldn’t work up the courage to do something about it.

9. I regret not pursuing one particular guy. There was one particular guy that I liked for years, and when he finally made a move I was surprised and excited. Unfortunately, it was too late and didn’t go further because our lives were going in separate directions. I’ll never know now if it could’ve worked out between us. If I had just sucked it up and told him how I felt, I wouldn’t have to wonder what could’ve happened.

10. If you’re thinking about making a move, just do it already! The worst thing that can happen is rejection, but at least you’ll know and won’t waste your time thinking about someone who doesn’t like you back. Trust me, you won’t regret your decision, and it might turn into something wonderful that may never have happened if you had waited around.

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