When it comes to ex-boyfriends, we all entertain this question at least once: what if?
What if you’d never broken up? Where would things be now, and would you both be happy together?
What if there was a possibility you could have gotten over the factor that ended your relationship? Is it possible you just didn’t try hard enough to work around it?
It’s natural to have these questions about your ex. And yes, even if the breakup was traumatic, it’s natural to miss him – you dated him for a reason, after all, and you probably had good times together.
So what do you do when you miss him so much, you’re tempted to text him again?
We’ll answer that question for you and more. Our goal in this post is to help you figure out what to text your ex-boyfriend when you miss him.
Think About the Circumstances of Your Breakup
Before you text him at all, you need to stop and think about whether you should text your ex.
Most people would scream, “no!” at this point, but let’s take a look at the deeper factors that affect whether or not you should contact him again.
Was it messy or was it smooth?
This refers to the level of trauma associated with your breakup. Basically, was it something like the spark just slowly faded and you parted ways, or did you catch him cheating and end it with a huge argument?
If it was something more like the latter, you need to think about whether or not texting him again is worth it. Those “what if” questions circling your brain won’t change the fact that your relationship ended painfully.
There’s a chance you’re just looking at him through the rose-colored glasses of nostalgia.
Here’s a good rule of thumb: consider whether you’d be willing to go through whatever drama happened in your breakup all over again. If the answer is no, then it’s the same for whether or not you should text him again.
Did it come from a mutual agreement?
Did you leave him, or did he leave you? Or did you actually both agree to end the relationship?
When he’s the one who ended it all, it’s easier to fall prey to thinking you should text him again. Since he’s the one who initiated the breakup, it’s possible you didn’t want it in the first place and would still be with him if you had the choice.
But the thing is, this immediately puts you at a huge disadvantage. He wanted to leave you, so the chances are higher that he doesn’t want to come back.
Let’s flip the tables here and say you’re the one who left him. Since there’s a possibility he didn’t want the relationship to end, the odds are much greater that he’ll be more receptive to you texting him again.
What if it was a mutual agreement? Then it’s a bit of a toss-up, but it may be more reasonable for you to want to reach out in this situation, too.
How long has it been since you last talked?
There’s quite a difference here between weeks, months, and years. Sometimes, it’s even a good idea to issue a no-contact period where you won’t talk to him for a month or two in order to allow yourself time to heal.
So if it’s only been a few months since you last spoke with him, chances are better that he’s thinking about you, too.
On the other hand, if it’s been more than a few months, he might have moved on. He may even be seeing someone else.
In other words, the longer you’ve waited, the better it is for you not to text him again.
What to do you want to come out of this?
Last but definitely not least, let’s look at what you actually want from this.
Try and be honest with yourself here. Do you really want to get back together with him?
Or could you be looking for something else? For instance, maybe you were friends before you dated, and you’re missing the friendship you had.
If that sounds like you, then trying to rekindle that friendship isn’t a bad idea. Understand, however, that he may not feel the same, and he may choose not to respond to you.
Maybe you’re just lonely in general and want someone to talk to or flirt with again. In that case, it’s better for you to text your friends or to consider putting yourself back in the dating field if you haven’t already.
What to Text Your Ex-Boyfriend When You Miss Him
The no-strings-attached, easy checkup text.
Even if your end goal is to get back together with your ex, you don’t want to immediately go in declaring your eternal love for him. No, you’ll want to take it gradually, and the first step is by getting a conversation started.
As time goes on and you get him talking to you again, you can look at turning the talks to how you’re missing him. By easing him very slowly in that direction, you won’t scare him off before you’ve had time to talk to each other again.
The good thing about this approach, too, is that it helps you feel out whether or not you still have that conversational chemistry, or if you were just remembering him a little too fondly.
This approach is also flexible. If you’re just looking to rekindle an old friendship you had, the non-romantic tone of this kind of text won’t put him on guard.
Example: “Hey, Josh. It’s been awhile since we talked. I just wanted to check on how you’re doing.”
Let him know (indirectly) that he’s on your mind.
You have to take baby steps here. Again, if you just go straight out and tell him you want to get back together, it could end up well…or he could just end up blocking you.
Take your time – there’s no need to rush. The beauty of this strategy is that it’s subtle.
Find something that you might have come across that makes you think of him, whether it’s a meme, video, website, or anything else you could send in a text. Then let him know about it.
It doesn’t have to be something you just stumbled upon naturally. You can spend time looking for something if you’re the type of person who likes to feel prepared.
Example: “Hi, Josh. I know it’s been awhile, but I just finished reading this book and it made me think of you. I think you’d love it.”
Ask him for advice only he could give you.
When you ask someone for advice, it’s always flattering. It means you’re deferring to their expertise on a subject, and you trust them to know the answer.
It’s even better when you take their advice and report back to them on the results.
Think of something your ex knew a lot about. Once you’ve settled on a topic he’s an expert in, text him asking him for advice on how to handle some aspect of that topic.
We suggest leading with a simple question to get him curious, then explaining what you actually need help with once he responds.
Let us tell you, this strategy is sneaky. He’ll be dying to know what your actual question is, and when you ask him, he’ll be flattered that you remembered something he’s into and that you care enough to ask him for his opinion.
Example: “Hey, Josh. I need your advice on something, and I think you’re the only one who could answer this question for me.” When he asks what you need, follow it up with something like: “I’m trying to recreate your lasagna recipe. How do I make the noodles again?”
Make tentative plans with him.
Now this method is best used if you know you’re not on bad terms with him. If your breakup was particularly messy, you’ll probably want to spend some more time talking to him before you think about seeing him again.
Anyway, the key here is to ask to see him in as casual a way as possible. You don’t want to make it sound too much like a date.
What you want is for him to feel comfortable coming to see you, and then you can determine where to go from there after you see how you’re both feeling. Try to pick a meeting place that isn’t a romantic hub in your community.
Grabbing a quick coffee is an example of something you can do that doesn’t put a lot of pressure on him – unlike taking him to a fancy restaurant for dinner, for example.
Another trick here is to only go halfway so he can meet you in the middle if he wants. Rather than setting a specific day or time, just say “sometime,” and see what he suggests or if he asks when you have in mind.
Example: “Hey, I know it’s been awhile, but I was thinking maybe we could grab a cup of coffee sometime if you’re up for it. I would love to chat with you a bit.”
Just don’t text him at all.
We all wonder what our exes are up to from time to time. It’s normal to have “what if” thoughts, where you daydream about things that could have been with him…but daydreams don’t necessarily need to become reality.
Relationships end – both good and bad ones. As much as we hate to admit it, sometimes that truly is for the best.
That instance of you missing him could just be you feeling a little lonely and missing the idea of him rather than the man himself. This is especially true if you had a messy breakup.
In cases where he cheated on you or mistreated you – or even vice versa – it’s honestly probably best that you put the relationship in the past and move on. If you’re meant to have a second chance with him, it will happen without you having to force it.
Stop Him From Ever Wanting to Become an Ex
One painful truth about many relationships is they end because he lost interest in time. While this could be from issues entirely unrelated to you, there’s also a chance that you struggled to keep his attention.
There are things you can do to prevent this from ever happening again. We suggest working on texting skills if yours need some improvement, because so much of a relationship is carried out by text these days.
When we’re in search of texting tips that boost our communication skills, we look to experts like relationship Amy North. She even has an entire course dedicated to helping women sharpen their texting abilities.