Dating guys can get really confusing sometimes.
You can have all the signs in the world that he’s into you. He could be texting you every hour, calling you every day, scheduling date after date.
One day, you can feel on top of the romance world with a guy who’s attentive to your every need.
Then the next day, you’ll find that he’s cold, distant, or worse yet, completely gone.
What’s a woman to do here? You probably feel like burying your face in a pillow and screaming or curling up with a tub of ice cream and hiding from the world.
We’re here to give you a helping hand. We’ll show you what to text when a guy pulls away.
Why Do Guys Pull Away in the First Place?
The best place to start in this mystifying journey is by looking at why guys pull away at all. If things are going so well between you, he shouldn’t want to cut it off, right?
That’s not always the case. Even if you feel like everything is fine, he could be seeing it completely differently.
Here are the main reasons your guy might be pulling away from you:
He felt like you were putting too much pressure on him.
It’s no secret that many women like to approach each potential relationship with marriage in mind. Of course, this isn’t always the case, but it’s still fairly common.
A lot of men, on the flipside, aren’t ready to make that commitment right away. Many need time to foster a deep connection first.
So if you go into the relationship trying to lasso him into a commitment before he’s ready, he might just be dodging you a bit. Pulling away could indicate that he’s overwhelmed by what you’ve asked from him right now.
First of all: it’s okay for you to have standards and expectations. You shouldn’t settle for something that doesn’t fulfill you.
But you should also respect the feelings of your partner. Give him a little time and space if that’s what he needs.
He’s playing the field.
The idea of the man dating many women at once and sowing his wild oats is a common one. You see it parodied all the time in tv shows, books, and movies.
And it does actually happen in real life. Yes, there’s a chance that him pulling away could be an indication that he’s dating around, so to speak.
He may not be entirely committed to you. When he’s pulling away, he could be focusing on another romantic prospect.
It’s cold and cruel, especially if you’ve been talking with him about the potential of going official. If you suspect he’s doing this, one of your best options might just be letting him go.
He wasn’t that serious about you to begin with.
Here’s a truth that really stings: he might not have been super into you from the start. Even if he wasn’t necessarily dating anyone else at the time, he just might have gone into it with the, “I’ll just see what happens” mindset.
Then, when things started to get serious, he got a textbook case of cold feet.
This is particularly true when a man jumps into dating without taking time to think about what he wants. It’s wishy-washy, and frustrating for all parties involved – even him, believe it or not.
Ready to level up your texting game? You can find our full in-depth guide on texting guys on this page.
When you run into this issue, sit down and have an honest, open discussion with him. Encourage him to think about what he truly wants from the relationship, and be willing to listen to what his feelings are.
Snapping on him when he finally opens up will just tell him not to be honest in the future.
He lost interest in you.
Even if he went all in at the beginning, emotions are a fickle thing. Changes of heart happen, and he may have felt his interest fade away with time.
Not every relationship is meant to last. You shouldn’t need to constantly perform some kind of love CPR to keep it alive.
Do you see him pulling away a lot after you’ve put in the time to try and resuscitate the connection? It might be time to let it go, or at the very least, have an open talk with him about what’s going on.
It’s possible to text in such a way that, even once he’s lost interest, you can bring him back to you again.
He’s dealing with issues unrelated to you.
Last but certainly not least, your man simply might be going through a lot in his life.
In a healthy relationship, each person’s life isn’t completely centered around their partner. You still have lives outside of each other.
Unfortunately, things don’t always go smoothly. Things come up, whether it’s family, medical, work, or school-related issues.
Guys often feel like they have to be tough and put forth a strong face even when they’re stressed. Him pulling away could be a sign that he’s trying to cope with his problems on his own.
What to Text When a Guy Pulls Away
Let him know you’re there for him.
Again, it’s entirely possible that he has things going on his life that have nothing to do with you. In that case, there’s a chance that he’s pulling away from you because he doesn’t want you to see how stressed out he is.
Men typically don’t like to open up and make themselves vulnerable when they’re in pain. They’ve been under a lot of pressure throughout their lives to be “tough” and “manly” by hiding these things from you.
Guys also tend to be solution-oriented, preferring to take action rather than uselessly (as they see it) discuss the problem. What he may not realize is that talking is therapeutic, and that you might even be able to help him with whatever’s got him stressed out, if only he’d reach out to you.
When you send him these types of messages, though, keep them limited. Let him know you support him once, then give him space. He’ll come to you when or if he’s ready.
Examples:
- “I’ve noticed you’ve been really distant lately. I just want to let you know that if something is going on, you can talk to me and I’ll be here for you.”
- “Whatever you might be going through, I have your back. Let me know if I can help.”
Give him the space to come to you first.
If there’s a chance that you’ve been over eager about the development of a relationship, and you’ve pushed him that direction, he could be pulling away because he’s overwhelmed.
Even if he has the best of intentions and did see himself committing to you, he can get scared away when he’s being pushed to move at a faster pace. Yes, some guys truly do want to take it slow, especially if he’s been hurt in the past.
In this case, back off a little and let the man breathe. Spend some time on yourself, relaxing or doing whatever you need to in order to unwind.
This could work if you’re dealing with a guy who’s losing interest or playing around, too. When he sees that you don’t actually need him, he might be drawn to that confidence and independence like a magnet.
Tell him how it makes you feel.
Regardless of the reasons behind him pulling away, he might not realize how much of an impact he’s having on you.
While we strongly recommend avoiding ranting or rambling at him, sending him a quick message that’s honest about how you’re hurting could be a great idea. If he truly cares about you, when it’s made clear that he’s causing you emotional pain, he should change his behavior.
Please note: this doesn’t necessarily mean that he’ll come back and be the ultimate romantic again, but he may at least be open with you about what’s going on, even if that’s just to tell you that he doesn’t want to be a couple yet.
Example: “You’ve been kind of cold lately, and it’s making me feel worried. I would appreciate it if you would be honest with me about what you’re feeling.”
Show him you’re moving on.
You can only put up with distance and coldness for so long.
Yes, if you love someone, you should be supportive of them. They don’t say “in sickness and in health” for no reason, after all, right?
But if you haven’t been together that long, and you’ve been clear to him about your expectations, there’s no reason why you should stick around for someone who consistently makes you unhappy. Life is too short to date someone who doesn’t make you feel excited, important, and loved.
Don’t keep wasting your time on someone who isn’t willing to put in his share of the effort into your relationship. Let him know as cordially as possible that you’re moving on to greener pastures.
Don’t use this opportunity to be petty and lash out at him – keep it brief, simple, and straight to the point. Then drop your mic and walk away.
It may seem hard, but trust us when we say you’ll look back at this moment and be grateful you took the leap.
Example: “I’ve had a lot of fun talking to you and getting to know you, but I think we’re on the same page when I say I don’t see it going any further. I really do hope you find happiness.”
Keep Him From Ever Wanting to Pull Away Again
It’s so frustrating when a guy pulls away from you, but you can prevent it.
Your texting technique is essential in keeping him interested. The right combination of words, pictures, and timing can have a man entranced by you.
