Deciding what to talk about on a first date is no mean feat – indeed, the term “what to talk about on a first date” is at a breakout on Google, with thousands wondering what the best questions to ask really are.
Sure, you may have spent hours perfecting your profile with our expert dating profile tips, but when it comes to the first IRL date, you might be feeling apprehensive. Know this: dating anxiety is pretty standard, but with our expert-led first date tips and dating advice for women, you’re in good hands.
Remember: “Nerves before a first date are natural – try to think of it as spending some time with another human being and seeing if you connect”, shares Sacha Karia, co-founder of the new video-only dating app, The Sauce. “If you don’t, don’t worry about it. Bad happenings make good stories.”
To save that from happening, though, we’ve asked three relationship experts to share eleven fail-safe conversation points that’ll make any first date stress-free. Don’t miss our explainers on what to wear on a first date, while you’re here.
What to talk about on a first date: 11 fail-safe topics
First, a date shouldn’t feel like an interview, explains Emma Clark, the other co-founder of The Sauce.
“Once your date opens up, try and stick to that topic for a while – explore it, rather than running through a list of rapid-fire questions or talking over them when they answer. Remember to listen,” she advises.
1. FIND OUT WHAT THEIR PHILOSOPHY ON LIFE IS
Sounds simple, isn’t – but will be a good starting point for establishing whether you have enough in common to book a second date in, share the experts.
“I’ve never really been one for small talk, and after this year in isolation we’re all looking for real connection. So your first port of call should be to finding out what their philosophy on life is – asking them what their beliefs are, what their passions are, how they enjoy spending their time, and how they see themselves,” shares Karia.
2. GET UNCOMFORTABLE CONVERSATIONS OUT OF THE WAY
For some of us, uncomfortable conversations are essential – yet, for others, it’ll be the last thing you want to talk about, shares relationship expert Charly Lester.
She reckons that it’s better to get those uncomfortable conversations out of the way now and suffer the awkward silence, rather than find out later down the line that you’re incompatible in a significant way. Think about it – if you see the world completely differently or have different morals, it’ll likely lead to problems further down the line.
3. ASK ABOUT WHERE THEY GREW UP
And where they live. Do they love the area, do they have dreams of moving abroad or living elsewhere? This is a great conversation starter and will only lead to more topics of conversation, all three experts reckon.
4. ASK ABOUT THEIR FAMILY
Do they have a big or small family? Are they in touch and are they close? You might be surprised by common ground here, or even open up the conversation to discuss your family dynamic, too.
5. ASK ABOUT THEIR FRIENDS
Similarly, asking in about their close friendships might be a good conversation starter. You never know, you may even uncover some friends in common.
6. ASK ABOUT THEIR JOB
“What did – and do – they want to do when they grow up?,” asks Clark. While a job doesn’t always give away much about a person, it can be a good insight into their aspirations.
7. ASK ABOUT THEIR HOUSE, AND THEIR LIVING SITUATION
Do they live with friends or family? Are they close to you location wise, and are they planning on moving soon? Don’t bombard them with questions, but it’s good to get a feel for where they’d like to spend their life.
8. ASK ABOUT THEIR HOBBIES
And try to find common ground here. Do they love sport – are they into running, cycling or weight training? Do they like live music, theatre shows or art exhibitions?
You’ll likely have something in common here, and even if you don’t, hearing someone speak passionately about a hobby is always quite interesting.
9. ASK ABOUT HOW THEIR LAST YEAR HAS BEEN
Recent stats from Inner Circle found that over half of the single people they surveyed feel that their flirting game took a hit because of the pandemic.
“Many may feel their social skills are rusty or their confidence has nosedived – so expecting yourself to effortlessly turn on the charm may be a tall order,” Lester continues.
10. AND CHECK IN ON HOW THEY’RE FEELING – HONESTLY
This one’s important. “Get real with each other,” recommends Lester. “Perhaps you’re not feeling your best self at the moment – and you may not be alone there,” she says.
If you are feeling anxious on your date, the relationship expert recommends being open about it. “Worried you’ve forgotten how to flirt? Tell them,” she advises. “It doesn’t have to be a heavy chat – but it could help break the ice and enable you to build a more honest connection. If the stats are anything to go by, your date may be feeling the same way,”
11. WHEN THE CONVERSATION ISN’T FLOWING? FIND AN ACTIVITY
Finally, give yourself some credit – first dates can be nerve-wracking at the best of times. “Flirty banter may not flow effortlessly,” shares Lester. “We’ve been interacting behind screens for so long, it may take some time to get your groove back IRL.”
That in mind, she recommends finding an activity for your dates. She reckons it’ll take the pressure off the conversation and add some variety so that those sparks can fly.
What to talk about on a first date never looked so simple.
Most importantly – don’t worry if it doesn’t go to plan
Things not going so well? Don’t sweat it. “Chances are, you’ll be able to fill the silence on a first date purely by picking up on something they’ve said, relating it to an anecdote or commenting on it in some way,” shares Karia.
Also important to note here – there’s no shame in ending a date early, they stress. “If you run out of things to say and you’re not clicking, chances are they’re probably feeling the same. Bow out early and politely – you don’t even need to create a made up pet and some kind of emergency,” stresses Clark.
They advise this: when they offer to get the next round simply say ‘thank you, but I think I’m good… shall we get the bill?’. Anyone worth their salt should get the message, they share.