So, you have found your guy and are you now wondering about all the little ways men wish they could be loved to that you can keep your man happy?
I don’t know about you but I find men a complete mystery. I have a very good male friend who I often ask for a man’s perspective on something that I am thinking about doing.
His answer is almost always completely different from anything that I might have come up with myself.
With that in mind, I asked him, and a number of other men, to tell me what a woman can do to make her man feel loved. I had a sense that it might be totally different from what women might think it could be.
The five little ways men wish they could be loved — every single day:
1. Let him make you laugh
If there is one thing that men love, its external validation that they are all that.
So much of how men connect with the world is about what is external vs. internal — how they look, how they are perceived, how successful the world thinks they are vs. how they are thinking and feeling.
And this is okay. It’s different from women and it’s okay.
I know that it feels counterintuitive to a woman that this might be important to a man but picture the joy you felt the first time you heard your child laugh. It made all the tears worth it, didn’t it?
It’s the same for a man. If he can still make you laugh in spite of the challenges that you might have as a couple, he will feel love and joy for you, and for himself.
Let your man know that he makes you laugh. And laugh often. You are giving him the ultimate validation that he is being appreciated by you, the woman he loves.
2. Acknowledge the things he gives
Men are at their best when they are giving. It’s in their nature. When they give, they take care of those they love and this is a primal need for them.
It’s can sometimes be hard for modern men to give because it’s hard for modern women to receive. And, often times, when a man does give to a woman, she freezes. Either she ignores the giving or complains that it’s not enough or acts in a way that implies that she doesn’t deserve it.
I have a client whose husband used to buy her jewelry because he knew she loved it. And she did. Unfortunately, everything he bought her wasn’t to her taste.
She would thank him sweetly but then return it for something that she wanted. And every time she did this she hurt him. So much so that eventually he stopped buying her jewelry. And that didn’t make anyone happy.
What she learned in this situation was that she needed to acknowledge was the giving of the gift. When men give, they give from the heart, even if they aren’t totally in touch with what you might want them to give. ‘If he knew me better, he would know what I like,’ I often hear after a woman receives something she doesn’t like.
It doesn’t matter the gift, it’s the effort. Thank your man for the effort and he will feel loved.
3. Let him help you
Women are, by nature, caregivers. We long to take care of anyone and everyone, often to the point that we stop doing anything for ourselves and we get resentful and bitter about it. Especially with our spouses.
But men don’t want that! They don’t want us to be TOO helpful.
Don’t get me wrong. Men love having their socks picked up and their laundry done for them. They like not having to buy Christmas presents for the extended family or wipe down the sink. But they do want to feel like they can take of themselves, that they are a contributing member of a couple. Maybe even, sometimes, the guy in charge.
Have you gotten to the point where you feel like you do everything in the relationship and are you exhausted by it? At the same time, do you give your man the space to take over some of that stuff or do you continue to hold onto the responsibility ins sprite of how it feels?
If you do, STOP! Let your guy do some things. Let him do his own laundry (if he wants to) or get his hair cut the way he wants it. Let him plan dinner or buy presents or drive the kids to school. And when he has done it, thank him for it, even if he doesn’t do it quite the way you like it!
So, let him do his thing — let him take care of you, even if it’s hard to do so.
4. Lead with your feminine energy
I know I know. How can I say that in this modern world? Men and women are equal. Women can do everything that men can do and do some of it even better. We are not soft. We are steel. We aren’t going to act like ‘girls.’
I get it. But one thing that we can’t ignore is human nature. It is in our biology that many men are masculine and many women are feminine. We each have standard accompanying traits.
Men like to feel strong and protective at time. Women are soft and nurturing. And, no matter what the world says, most men and women react to each other’s strength and softness.
I am not suggesting that we go back to the dark ages where men look at women as a piece of meat to do what they want with them. Or that we step back from the fact that men and women are equal.
Being soft and nurturing does not mean you are weak and if it makes your man feel strong and protective, he will feel loved.
His primal instincts will be activated and he will feel like more of a ‘man.’ And there is nothing better for a man than being made to believe that he is one!
So, let yourself be a little girlish. Let yourself be soft around your man. Wear dresses. Speak softly. Laugh at his jokes. Make him feel like you need him.
5. Let him know when he finds your ON button
What do I mean by that? Here is an example:
My ex-husband and I had a “no power cord” rule for all gift-giving occasions. He could not buy me anything that included a power cord.
One year, for Mother’s Day, he took a risk and bought me a garage door opener. I LOVED it. I loved it so much that that night he got lucky.
He was delighted and amazed when he realized that he had the ability to make me so happy that he could flip my switch. From then on, he worked diligently to find things that he could do that would activate my ON button.
I have learned that, for men, being physically intimate makes them feel loved and connected. This is very different than women who often need to feel emotional connection before getting physical.
For men, when they don’t have intimacy, they feel unloved. And that is not the goal!
So, how can you help your man find your ‘on’ button so that he can have the intimacy that he craves?
First — identify to yourself what it is that turns you on. Is it him doing the chores that you want him to do or taking you out to dinner, unprompted? Bringing you flowers or stepping up when you need his support?
Once you know what those things are, tell him. If you can guide him into knowing what it is that turns you on, I can promise you that he will do those things if it will lead to the physical closeness that always makes him feel loved.
And really, that was a win-win situation for both of you.
I hope that now that you know the little ways that men wish they could be loved you will take the steps to make them happen.
Men are not complicated and are way easier to make feel loved than women (a whole ‘nother topic) and we women can do anything that we put our minds to.
If we can put our minds to what our men needs to feel loved, we can keep them happy and the relationship healthy.
So, let him make you laugh, put on your girly side, sometimes, thank him for the things he does and let him know what turns you on and your man will feel the love that he so longs to feel!