How to tell if he is not the one for you?
How do you know he is not the one for you?
What are the signs he’s not good for you?
Do you have that gut feeling he is not the one?
One of the first indications he isn’t the one for you is that you question it, and you have the gut feeling something’s wrong with your relationship.
Maybe you feel something for him but cannot identify it as true love.
Or maybe you are very much into him, but you just suspect he isn’t the right guy to be with.
I’m here to help!
In this post, I will list 17 signs he is not the one for you.
Maybe you’ve been together for a while, and the thought of staying together forever is in your head. Maybe you’ve settled and dreamed of a white dress and baby cooing.
But is he the right guy for these things?
Let’s check!
1. You compromise… a lot!
Every happy relationship requires compromises. That’s one of the top 10 habits for building a healthy relationship.
But, in your relationship, you compromise… a lot!
Actually, it feels like only you compromise with everything.
If your boyfriend doesn’t like to step back and find a solution that makes both of you happy, if he just tells you, “It’s this or nothing!” and then ignores you until you change your opinion, then he isn’t the one for you.
Mutual understanding, compassion, and the urge to make the other happy are traits of every happy relationship.
You know, a relationship is a partnership. You both own 50% of it, and if one of you isn’t willing to give his share and contribute to your happiness, then the deal should be off.
2. You want to change him
If you’ve got a list of Top 10 Things I’d Change About Him, then he’s not good for you.
Love changes us. That change starts slowly the moment we meet the right person. But that “right person” would never ask us to change.
We all crave to be accepted and appreciated for who we are.
If you aren’t happy with the person by your side, he isn’t the one for you.
It goes vice versa too.
If your boyfriend keeps asking you to change and isn’t happy with who you are – it’s not worth it.
A healthy and happy relationship can only exist when two people sync together, each one of them perfectly imperfect, and both happy with the other’s imperfections.
3. He isn’t The One if your friends and family aren’t OK with him
Your family and your friends are the people who have known you longer than your boyfriend.
They know you at your lowest and your highest points in life.
They wipe your tears after every guy who breaks your heart.
They understand you; they know when you’re happy and when you aren’t happy.
If your family and your friends hint at you that your guy isn’t good for you, the least you could do is try to see why.
Remember, they just want the best for you.
4. You don’t trust him
All’s well, but you just don’t trust him.
His actions don’t match his words.
Maybe there’s some weird vibe you feel around him every now and then?
If you don’t trust your partner, your relationship won’t last long.
Effective communication, trust, and respect are the pillars of a healthy relationship. If one of them is missing – the relationship falls apart.
But what if you trust him, but he doesn’t trust you?
The same thing goes both ways. It’s painful to know that your loved one doesn’t trust you. You feel guilty about doing or saying things you’ve never done or said. That’s not how a healthy relationship works.
5. You cannot rely on him
Yes, you are an independent woman.
Of course, you can look after yourself.
But your loved one should be ready to hold your back, and you should know you can rely on him.
If he’s irresponsible and you cannot trust him in the moments you need him the most… what else is left for him to be the ONE?
6. You want different things in life
Wanting different things doesn’t make him a bad guy, but it doesn’t make him the one, also.
He wants to live in a big city and build a successful career.
You want to backpack around the country and settle in a small village near the seaside.
Different plans and goals for the future are dealbreakers.
Even if he compromises with something, can you be sure he won’t blame you for crashing his dreams?
When you meet the right person, your goals and dreams will synch together even if they didn’t before.
But with this guy?
Your ideas for the future and the way you want to live your lives are too different.
Should you compromise with the call of your heart?
Nope!
If you feel ready to find the one for you and feel the power of true love, do it with these 7 easy steps.
7. He is not the one for you if you have different values
Now, here we’re talking about the real dealbreakers.
Kids or no kids?
Marriage or never-getting-married?
Different religion?
Different opinions on drugs and alcohol?
What are your dealbreakers?
You have such.
If you share different values in life, this will ruin your future. He isn’t the one for you if he doesn’t value the same things in life.
My previous boyfriend used to spend his weekends drinking and partying. I spend my weekends reading books and watching films.
Our lifestyles didn’t match, and for a long period of time, I didn’t want to see that. Instead, I stayed in a toxic relationship for too long.
But things like that are dealbreakers.
Such things show a person’s priorities.
And priorities are what run our lives.
Is he the ONE for you?
8. You have that gut feeling he is not the ONE
I’ve met many good guys in my life.
They looked and sounded like “the perfect match”. They treated me well, and there wasn’t anything specific about them that I wouldn’t like… Yet, none of them was the one for me.
Just because someone ticks all the boxes off doesn’t mean he is the right person for you.
Sometimes you just feel it even though you can’t name it.
We call it “gut feeling,” and we must learn to trust it more than anything else.
How many times have you said, “I knew it was going to happen!”, “I knew I was making a mistake!”, “I knew I should have made another choice”…?
Learning to trust our guts is hard when we only listen to emotions and logic.
However, if your guts tell you there’s someone else for you – listen to them.
9. You’ve settled, but you aren’t in love
You met him. You liked him. You got into a relationship with him.
And now, you share the same address, and your life went into a rut – mornings together, work, dinner, weekends. You have the same friends; your families know each other.
You are like a married couple.
But you aren’t in love with him.
Being settled in a relationship is often confused with being in love.
After all, every relationship gets into a rut, right?
Wrong!
True love doesn’t make you wonder if he is the right guy for you.
And if you read this post, I believe your subconsciousness is trying to tell you something. Maybe he’s not the one for you.
10. You don’t mind not seeing him for a while
Of course, you aren’t glued together.
You both have your personal lives.
If he has his things and you have your things, and you don’t see each other for a few days or a full week… that’s ok. You don’t mind.
Well, you should.
No, you aren’t glued together. But you are a couple. And if you claim your relationship is serious, you must know that being together is kind of the point.
Going for too long on your own and not minding it is great… for a while.
But don’t you miss each other? No? Then that’s a problem, and you must know that it’s one of the biggest signs he isn’t the one for you.
11. You are bored with him
That’s a no-brainer.
If you’re bored with him today, how would it be in 10 years from now? How about 30 years from now?
The right guy isn’t going to entertain you 24 hours a day, but you won’t feel bored being with him.
It’s not about being bored as a couple, but yawning when you listen to him, knowing that he won’t tell you anything interesting, not wanting to talk to him as you don’t feel like it’s worth it right now, and so on.
Enjoying some quiet time and relaxing together in silence is magical with the right person … and torture with the wrong one. Is he the one?
12. He’s rushing you
He wants you to move in together after just a few weeks together.
He wants to meet your family, right now.
He wants you to get married and have babies.
He wants to …
He’s rushing through the relationship like it’s a competition!
You know… when I met my husband, we kind of rushed a few things. We moved in together after only three months into the relationship and got engaged after another five months.
But I was perfectly happy with it.
I had just entered my thirties, and I was looking for the one to create a family with. I never regretted my choice.
But if you aren’t ready to jump from the first date coffee into the white dress, then something’s not ok. If you don’t feel like getting married and having kids, right now, but he’s pushing you to do all that – he isn’t the one for you.
You must be on the same page about how serious your relationship is or none of you will be happy in it.
13. You cannot be yourself around him
Girls are crazy.
We are emotional, happy, and cheerful, and we jump around like little kids when we’re happy.
A few moments later…
We cry and isolate ourselves, shout and twist things to fit us when we aren’t happy.
And that’s ok.
Yes, no matter what other people tell you, it’s ok.
You should feel comfortable sharing every aspect of yourself with your loved one.
Why would it be ok to sleep in the same bed, but it’s not ok to tell and show him how you feel?
If your partner criticizes and judges you when you’re being yourself, he is definitely not the one for you.
I’ve had days when I’ve felt horrible, not wanting to see or talk to anyone, being cranky and snappy, and my fiance would still tell me it’s ok and would say he loves me.
Of course, I feel guilty about being this way, but it’s hormonal stuff, and only girls know… sometimes, you just cannot control yourself, no matter how much you try.
And I’m not saying he is ok with that, but he accepts it. Because that’s what love is – mutual acceptance when the other doesn’t act like himself.
A mutual understanding that it’s just a moment and it will go away.
If you aren’t able to relax and be yourself around your guy, I must tell you – this is the moment when you realize he is not the one for you.
14. You have more rough moments than happy ones
All couples fight. All couples have problems.
All couples have rough moments.
But they are just that – “moments” that come and go.
However, the easiest way to tell if your boyfriend is the right guy for you is if you have more rough moments than happy ones.
Do you fight too often?
Do you struggle with finding a common language?
How often do you get to the point when one of you is fed up with the other?
A healthy and happy relationship must give exactly that – a healthy and happy life.
You feel empowered and strong together; the other person is your shelter and support, not your enemy.
If you aren’t happy with him most of the time, he isn’t the one for you.
15. He doesn’t want to commit to you
He doesn’t want to go exclusive in the relationship?
Why would you even consider him The One?
Obviously, he doesn’t consider you to be The One for him.
Men struggle with commitment; that’s not a secret. They do it later, try to “live their life” fully while they’re in their twenties (and thirties), and so on.
Although I don’t understand how being with someone who truly loves you robes you from “living your life”, I must accept that some men are just built like that.
But not all of them see a committed relationship with a girl as a punishment they must delay as long as possible.
Your right guy will commit to you without even realizing he’s doing it. And he will consider it as an honor to be the man who claimed you as his.
16. He doesn’t make you feel special
My fiancee and I celebrate our 4th anniversary at the end of this month (November 2020). And he still makes me feel special.
Every. Single. Day.
I work from home, so he keeps doing some small things to help me feel comfortable in my home office; he kisses me on the forehead and hugs me every time I’m upset about something.
He simply makes me feel like a very special girl.
Please, don’t compare my relationship with yours.
But know, true love makes you feel like you’ve won the jackpot.
The right person treats you right all the time.
He doesn’t disrespect you because he’s tired.
Could he be the one for you if he doesn’t make you feel special? No!
17. He is not the one for you if he isn’t happy with you
A tough one.
I know you might be happy with him, but is he happy with you?
Do you know if he’s truly happy?
It takes courage and strength to turn your focus away from your happiness and see if the other person glows in your presence.
I listed so many signs he isn’t the one for you, but this one will tell you if you are the one for him.
We aren’t meant to exist alone.
We constantly crave effective communication and appreciation. We want to be noticed, admired.
We need to see ourselves in the eyes of another human being.
We want to be loved.
We want to be happy.
So does he.
Does he look happy? Does he ignore something important in his life because of you? Is he compromising with too many things just to make you happy?
It hurts to look in the mirror. But that doesn’t make you the bad person in the relationship.
It just tells you that he isn’t the one for you, and you aren’t The One for him.
